“Perfect purity is possible if you turn your life into a line of poetry written with a splash of blood.” - Yukio Mishima
Things i like:
im not a weeaboo i just like extreme music, horror, and well written literature. I am obsessed with web1.0 and love all kinds of disturbing web content and internet horror - creepypastas suck btw - i love args and net art i dont want to tell anyone else so here i am shouting into the void, but, i(allegedly) tried to off myself only two months ago. and here i am in uni. why that wasnt a good indicator for me to wait a bit to go through a major life change which is possibly a bit traumatic for some, i dont know. but here i am, wishing i didnt fail. when i was in hospital, i vowed to myself that i would never try again, that i would appreciate life as i did then - as in, appreciate everything, that i am alive, that i have family who love me, that people are good - and that i wouod get better. alas, as with most things i failed. i fucking hate myself so much still, im angry at the world, im angry at myself, and i see no future that is worth being a part of. and those are my strongest emotions. i literally dont give a shit about anything at all. i had so much passion for a while, i attended events, i studied hard, i read, i enjoyed my life, but now i just dont care. i have no passion. i have no firends, im hours away from my family and the only comfort i have, and to round it all off, i just feel so over everything. i cant be bothered to keep on with this painful existence. i cannot keep cooking and eating and sleeping and waking and cleaning and working and relaxing and thinking and walking and sitting and doing anything it just isnt worth it nothing's worth it. im white and male and i live in europe and i have all the world at my fingertips but it just isnt worth it. nothing is worth it. i have everyhting yet nothing. i dont care about anything but i used to care so deeply so i know what it feels like but i just cant do it. i wont kill myself because i cant be asked. i want to do something great, i want to save the world, i want to save someone, i want to help people, i want to exist past my lifetime but i have nothing to allow me to do so. i have no real skills, im so lazy. im such a waste of potential; i never tried at anything, and i never had to i just winged everything i never studied i never practiced yet i got god grades always. i hate myself so much. i have no friends, and i wish i was never born. i wish my parents never knew i attempted and i hold so much guilt . its not their fault i swear. everything i hate could be fixed by myself but i dont because im lazy. i love everyone and everything and you're all beautiful never hurt yourself
hi
